Bashasa reaches out when he lifts up his tunic, laying his hand against the red mark on Kai's skin for a moment, as though needing to reassure himself that Kai's not actually injured with all of that blood.
"It must have hurt, all the same," he says, somewhat mournfully. He really doesn't like sending Kai out to get hurt, even as he's practical enough to know it's better than sacrificing someone else, when Kai will be fine. "Don't be sorry," he adds, letting his hand fall away and stretching slightly, "my back was just getting a knot in it. What did you find?"
Kai shrugs, trying to look anywhere but the other man's face as he touches him. "It's fine. I made it useful." Intentions are still something he's getting the hang of, a lot of learning as he goes, but it does make pain feel more... productive, in a way. At least he can use it for something. At least he can cause some pain back, after so long of it just evaporating into the air along with all his hopes.
"There was a small patrol; a messenger, with some guards. They're, uh... gone now." Sorry if you didn't want that, but he didn't really have a choice. He reaches into his pouch, pulling out the correspondence he'd taken and handing them over.
"I presume there was no other alternative?" it's not really a question, he knows Kai wouldn't hurt people without a need to. He's all business for a moment, taking the correspondence and moving over to a small travelling desk in the tent, spreading out the missives and scanning them,
"No new information on the surface," he says after a moment, "though I'll have one of our codebreakers take a look at it. But it's good it didn't get where it was going all the same-- it mostly looks like information about our whereabouts rather than the...irs...," he's talking as he's scanning and there's something that suddenly makes him pause for a moment and raise an eyebrow, and then shake his head and set the missive down with maybe a little more speed than normal. Bashasa is good at concealing his expressions quickly, but the involuntary flush is a little harder to shape into anything else.
Kai simply shakes his head. It had been a near thing, and he's a little annoyed at himself for it because if he'd been a little bit more careful, a bit more used to the size of this body, it might have been fine. But he wasn't, and it happened, and he's just grateful that something good seems to have come out of it- other than fewer of the Hierarch's people on the playing field.
He hadn't bothered to try and read them himself- his Arik reading is improving, out of necessity though he is trying to learn- and it didn't seem terribly important. However he knows Bashasa well enough to know that something is wrong. "What is it?" he asks, coming closer to look over the man's shoulder- hopefully he'll be able to get enough of an idea.
"Oh, ah, nothing," he waves a hand a bit dismissively and he's not lying, it really is nothing, but it's also not nothing. There's a little chuckle from him, not forced but maybe a little tight.
"They ah, accuse me of consorting with demons," well that probably doesn't sound so bad, he realizes, and he knows Kai is going to point out that he is consorting with demons and he's going to explode have to explain anyway, so... "As in, that I've taken a demon as a consort."
Kai had opened his mouth to retort exactly that, point out that Bashasa was doing that right now, when the man continued to... say, in Kai's mind, the same thing. He frowns, able to tell this is some sort of translation issue on his part, but not knowing enough to guess at what the correct interpretation is.
"And that is different... how...?" he asks slowly, looking over Bashasa's face for clues. It's clearly bothered him, and there's a little pang of fear in Kai while he waits for what it means.
The main clue on Bashasa's face is that he's blushing harder than Kai has ever seen him and his eyes don't seem to want to settle on meeting Kai's, which is unusual.
"A consort," he says with a tone that clearly says that, for a moment, he's hoping if he just repeats himself, Kai will magically understand. When he obviously doesn't, he tries again, "That we're sleeping together," no wait, that's not helpful either, they often are sleeping together. Innocently. In separate bedrolls right near one another because Kai is his bodyguard and his confidant and friend not because... "They think the relationship is sexual," maybe if he keeps it clinical this will be easier, except his mouth and his brain seem somewhat disconnected, "Based on the context clues, I think they believe I've trapped you somehow, like at--" no, he really doesn't want to draw that comparison, now that he thinks about it, so it's an even more awkward pivot, "-- that I'm using you. For sex. Among other things."
Why is Kai standing so close? He has been trying very hard for a while now as they have travelled to not think about any of this, but it's exponentially more difficult with Kai easily in reach, almost half backing him up against his travel desk, though Kai probably doesn't even see it that way and that's the problem isn't it?
He recognizes when his thoughts are chasing themselves and makes an effort to calm them. He's not used to being this flustered and he needs his wits about him right now possibly more than he has in a long time.
The note meeting his eyes is unusual, and worrying, because lots of people don't want to meet Kai's eyes because of what he is but Bashasa has never been one of them. There's a lingering fear in that, that somehow the man grief fueling the man when they first met had made him blind to what Kai was in some sort of fashion, and that time has made him more align with his fellows in his opinion of the Fourth Prince.
Still, he forces himself to wait, and the look on the other man's face does a bit to ease his nerves- blushing is not really a response that makes sense, but it's also not horror- until Bashasa's explanation finally clicks into his head.
"Oh." It's perhaps a bit more of a subdued reaction than one would expect, Kai's brow furrowing as it takes it in. Sex with demons is not some horrible thing that the Hierarchs and the Arik seem to think it is, it was a foundation in Saredi culture for getting demon blood into their family lines, but then the fact that he is the demon in question properly sinks in. "Oh."
Kai flushes now too, eyes suddenly darting to be literally anywhere else. He's thought about it. Of course he has, he's neither blind nor stupid and he's pretty sure he loved Bashasa within a week of meeting him, but Bashasa is also just that kind of person. Everyone loves him. Kai is nothing special in that regard. "Anyone who knows you knows you wouldn't," he says, which-- he means they know Bashasa wouldn't use someone like that. That might not be what Bashasa hears.
"I'm not worried about what my enemies think of me," he says almost vehemently, dismissively, except that he realizes a moment later than if he doesn't care what his enemies think, then he's going to have to keep explaining why this is a problem. He knows Kai isn't going to leave it alone. When he'd first met the demon, he would have said it was sometimes like dealing with an overly precocious child-- he knew Kai wasn't a child, of course, but between the body he'd been in and the kinds of questions he would ask (and needle at) it felt that way.
It feels... quite different, now that he's in a handsome, adult body, now that he's saved Bashasa's life multiple times over, sometimes by quite literally getting between him and danger. There's something relentless about it instead of precocious and he finds it almost stunningly attractive-- no one pushes quite like that in diplomacy. It leaves you too open to attack. And yet, with that relentless nature, it also makes him feel cornered, trapped. With anyone else, he would send them away for that, at best, but with Kai...
"Use someone like that? Use you like that?" he clarifies a moment later, "No, of course not. I'd be no better than the Hierarchs and I've no stomach for it besides." He doesn't know why he continues after that. He should put the matter behind them and the faster the better, but he can read something in Kai's posture, knows that he's unsettled Kai in some way that has less to do with the thought of sleeping with him and more to do with his reaction, and he doesn't want Kai to think that he's somehow disgusted with the idea, when it's the complete opposite.
So he reaches out and brushes just the tips of his fingers through the blooksoaked edges of the shirt,
"I suppose I can see why they think so, though. This sort of devotion is usually more compelled than earned."
To be fair, Kai isn’t entirely sure why they’re still talking about it either, but for exactly the reason Bashasa is trying to avoid. With the general attitude towards demons in general and him in particular, he’s grateful to have the man’s friendship, much less anything else. It would sting a little, but he’d get over it.
His breath catches a little as Bashasa reaches down to touch the shirt, the flush refusing to disappear and his eyes, if anything, even more avoidant that before. “Usually,” he might agree, “but not for you.” There is so much more Bashasa could ask of him than his, and he would do it all willingly.
He should leave it there. There's no reason to keep going, there's no reason to continue the conversation after this. He's adequately proven that he's not being avoidant of Kai, that it doesn't bother him in any way. That's enough for him.
Isn't it?
His fingers brush healing skin for a moment anyway, because he was so close at this point it was inevitable, but as much as he wants to press his hand fully against the not-wound, he doesn't, withdraws his hand instead. What he wants is to look Kai right in the eyes and ask what else he might do for him, if he asked. But he doesn't really even know how demons in general feel about things like that, much less this demon in particular and he wouldn't want him to do it out of loyalty alone anyway.
And yet...
He makes himself turn away, get to the business of shuffling the correspondence into a neater pile to be given to the codebreakers, while his mouth keeps running away,
"Besides, if they think it's an insult, to imply that I would share my bed with you, they clearly haven't seen you, much less met you," obviously. How could they have? Why did he say that? He's got more manners than this, far more diplomacy, and he's starting to have to face the fact in real time that maybe he's unconsciously negotiating for what he wants even now.
Behind him there is a choked noise of surprise from Kai, because what was that Bashasa. The demon is beet red now, somewhat sure that Bashasa is teasing him. Ziede had mentioned that this body was pretty before, but that had been when he was still in shock from the change and he hasn't thought much of it since and hearing it from Bashasa's mouth has him scrambling for some sort of topic change.
"It was normal, in the Saredi," he manages, staring down as his wound even though he's no longer being looked at, "To get demon blood into the line. I was supposed to have babies at some point. I-- hadn't, yet," he adds hurriedly, realizing Bashasa did not need to worry about him grieving the loss of children on top of everything else, "I don't know if the Hierarchs hated them because of that or hate the idea of demons because of them but it probably goes one of those ways."
Kai, that is not a topic change. Shit, now he's thinking about it. He was trying not to think about it. Still... Bashasa might feel like he's in freefall at this point, but he's also a tactician, and there's a lot he's never felt like he could ask about Kai, about the Saredi and his place there. And he's also aware that Kai's uncomfortable, but he's not shutting the conversation down either, not really. He doesn't quite let hope settle in his chest, but he does make the decision that this is, at the very least, a good way to find out more about Kai, even if that's all it is.
"Ah, but procreation is quite different from what they're accusing me of," us of, but he doesn't want to cause Kai to freak out about that. Bashasa doesn't care if even his friends thing he's got a hedonistic streak, much less his enemies, but he's not sure how Kai would feel about that accusation. "I think it's possible they might be more upset about the idea that people would have sex for pleasure than who's having the sex. Well, unless its them, I'm sure," he rolls his eyes.
“Is it?” Kai sighs. There are so many weird cultural things that he’s not used to; the strict divide between only two genders is one, and apparently he’s stumbled onto another here. “What, are people really supposed to not have sex unless they are specifically trying to bear children?”
That should be a clear answer at least- having sex for pleasure isn’t hedonistic, it’s normal in Kai’s mind.
"It's usually considered better somehow, if it's for children," Bashasa shrugs slightly, he's never really understood that one himself. But Kai's opened up a new line of questioning and, again, Bashasa is curious more than he wants anything out of such a conversation or he genuinely wouldn't be pursuing it like this, but if he can both sate his curiosity and figure out Kai's feelings on a less... generic use case, perhaps, then so much the better.
"So the Saredi did have the concept of just having sex because you wanted to, then? Not all peoples do," that's safe, but the next question isn't, so he makes sure he's casually involved with some other business on his desk, pitches his tone as light as possible, "Did that extend to demons?"
That might be one of the most stupid things he’s ever heard, but he doesn’t bother saying so. It seems Bashasa agrees, at least, and that eases some weird worry in his stomach.
“They did,” he confirms, and he’s very grateful Bashasa isn’t looking at him still, “And of course we did. We were… part of them. The same family. No one… treated us differently.” His voice is quieter at the end, lost for a moment in the thought of them, all gone and with them the only family he’s really known.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, that's definitely not where he wanted this line of questioning to go, and the remorse for it when he's been playing games in a way and now this is serious is real and intense.
(He did get his answer, though, and he knows it, but this is not the price he would have wanted to pay for it all the same.)
He's in motion before he can really think about it, unafraid of being impulsive when it's his friends involved and not the leaders and factions he has to balance. He catches Kai's arm lightly with one hand, no force behind it to hold or pull and his cheek with the other. The motion isn't sudden, is telegraphed so Kai can pull away if he wishes and to not startle, but there's no hesitation to it either.
"Kai... I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." oh, they're close, this was a tactical error on his part, but now all he can do is forge ahead, "I can't... fix that," he admits, "but if it takes the rest of my days, I'll do everything in my power to build someplace where that can be true again." He can't promise to do it, and they both know it, but he can promise to try, and not just to try, but to do everything.
Everyone deserves to have a home, a place to live in relative safety. Kai deserves... more than that. But he's not thinking about that while they're this close, remember?
Kai should probably stop him, giving the kind of conversation they've been having and how he's been feeling about, but he also really misses the comfort of touch and so few people here are willing to give it. So he doesn't make any sort of motion to intercept or move away, closing his eyes for a moment as he feels the warmth of human contact against his skin. He takes a deep breath and then rests his hand over Bashasa's.
"Thank you," he says softly. He's not sure it'll ever happen, that some place like that will ever exist again. The Arik are too different a peoples, and he has no idea where all the other demons went or what they'll do, and it wouldn't be the same anyway. But he appreciates it all the same, if only because he believes Bashasa when he says it.
Bashasa slides his thumb against Kai's cheek, the touch too intimate for anything they've previously been talking about, but it feels right all the same. For a moment, he wants to kiss Kai more than he's ever wanted anything in his life, even vengeance and while he doesn't do it, it crystalizes into a kind of action all the same.
"Do you need some time with that, or can go back to flirting with you?" it's kind of flippant, maybe, particularly with the small smile he says it with, but it's also said so gently that it's obvious if Kai said he needed another moment, he would give him as long as he needed.
He is very aware he's just admitted what he's doing. He's just hoping it's done light and sweet to pass it off if Kai reacts badly to it.
Kai lets out a little laugh, shaking his head. "I'm fine, you don't need to try and make me feel better," he says, a bit wryly. Because surely it's teasing and curiosity driving this forward more than anything? He doesn't want to get his hopes up over something so impossible. Bashasa sees things very different from most of his kin, but it can't be that different, no matter how much he'd hope it might be. Right?
It does pull him up short for the barest of moments because that's definitely not a "no don't flirt with me" but it's also not the reaction he was hoping for, either. Does Kai not understand what Bashasa is getting at? Does he want to turn him down gently, without making either of them say it? Does he want it as well and doesn't know how to tell him? He has no idea. But Kai's not shying away and he's all but given explicit permission at this point, so he has to believe that this, at least, is alright.
"Well, if you're sure," it's still a bit teasing, but he's also not going anywhere-- though if Kai pulls away he'll use no strength to keep him there, "I was going to ask you if you ever had. Had sex for pleasure, I mean."
Before the war, Kai would have understood immediately, but he is a bit more-- damaged, than he was. It's not just the Hierarchs either; pretty much everyone who's not Bashasa, Ziede, Tahren, or Dahin treats him like some sort of wild monster who might eat their soul and take over their body. It's a fear he understands, even as unhappy it makes him.
The question at hand is enough to make him flush again, and wonder why Bashasa is continuing on this conversation train. "I, um-- no. I wasn't supposed to do anything that could result in a baby for a few years while I adjusted, and then the war happened, and, well." He waves a hand. That should more or less explain itself.
He does think about leaving it at that. He's used to looking for the signs people are interested, reading between his lines, understanding the things he's not saying and the implications of the things he is. It's not just when flirting either, it's part of his negotiation strategy. But he's getting no signs he would normally expect here, nothing to tell him if he should continue or not.
But he's also not getting "no", either, no signs that Kai is trying to escape or doesn't want to continue the conversation. So he thinks, maybe he dares a little further. He trusts himself to smooth it over if he goes too far, doesn't really think he's in danger of losing Kai, or he would never take the risk.
So he lets his eyes drop to Kai's mouth for a moment, a slow drag back up to his eyes, while he asks,
"And now? Would you want to?" there's still the barest hint of deniability, if he needs it, if Kai freaks out, but it's miniscule, and if he somehow still doesn't understand what he's really asking, he's already prepared in the next moment to be much more bold with it.
Kai stares at him, and there's probably a moment where Bashasa wonders if he has in fact pushed too far before his body seems to catch up and there is a riot of a blush on his face.
There is a lot going on inside his head. There is a part of him that thinks Bashasa couldn't possibly be serious, because why of all the people who would very willingly sleep with him would he pick Kai, but he thinks back on this conversation and realizes that it's been building to this and also Bashasa would not make that kind of joke, wouldn't lead him on even if he hadn't been aware of Kai's feelings about him. It's-- astounding, and feels impossible, but now that he's looking for it he can see the way the other man is looking at him and he can feel the hand still on his cheek and the gentle warmth of his skin.
If there was any doubt that demons are just people, regardless of what else they can do, this would be a solid disproof of that concept for most people as well. Kai tries to talk, but it comes out as a little (extremely embarassing) squeak, before he swallows and licks his lips and tries again.
"Yes," he says softly, with a little nod, "I would."
Bashasa can't help but laugh just a little at the squeak, but it's more of a release of tension than a proper sound, from him as well, a soft noise of relief,
"Good, because it was going to be exceedingly hard to keep not kissing you," he's not completely sure that makes sense, but then he is kissing Kai, so he doesn't really care if it did or not.
He has not let himself think about this, not properly, not outside of a few dreams that have faded as he woke, so he has no idea what he was picturing or if this matches it or not. What he does know is that that the moment it starts, soft, a bit chaste but warm, he's ravenous for it, has to actively try to hold himself back in a way he's not used to needing to do, not from just a bit of flirting and a kiss.
He tries to go slow, tries to keep his wits about him, tries to remember that this is likely Kai's first everything and while that is... not helping the hunger any, frankly, it's also a duty and a privilege-- to make sure this is good for him. The effort makes him groan softly into the kiss, a longing noise, barely loud enough to carry to Kai's ears.
(There is perhaps also a drive to completely ruin him for anyone else, at least for a long time. Bashasa is not a man without a bit of selfishness, in the end. He would let Kai go and wish him well with a future relationship if this turns out to be something less meaningful, but he doesn't want to. He wants him to be his, for as long as he's allowed to have him.)
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Re: In the past
"It must have hurt, all the same," he says, somewhat mournfully. He really doesn't like sending Kai out to get hurt, even as he's practical enough to know it's better than sacrificing someone else, when Kai will be fine. "Don't be sorry," he adds, letting his hand fall away and stretching slightly, "my back was just getting a knot in it. What did you find?"
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"There was a small patrol; a messenger, with some guards. They're, uh... gone now." Sorry if you didn't want that, but he didn't really have a choice. He reaches into his pouch, pulling out the correspondence he'd taken and handing them over.
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"No new information on the surface," he says after a moment, "though I'll have one of our codebreakers take a look at it. But it's good it didn't get where it was going all the same-- it mostly looks like information about our whereabouts rather than the...irs...," he's talking as he's scanning and there's something that suddenly makes him pause for a moment and raise an eyebrow, and then shake his head and set the missive down with maybe a little more speed than normal. Bashasa is good at concealing his expressions quickly, but the involuntary flush is a little harder to shape into anything else.
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He hadn't bothered to try and read them himself- his Arik reading is improving, out of necessity though he is trying to learn- and it didn't seem terribly important. However he knows Bashasa well enough to know that something is wrong. "What is it?" he asks, coming closer to look over the man's shoulder- hopefully he'll be able to get enough of an idea.
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"They ah, accuse me of consorting with demons," well that probably doesn't sound so bad, he realizes, and he knows Kai is going to point out that he is consorting with demons and he's going to
explodehave to explain anyway, so... "As in, that I've taken a demon as a consort."no subject
"And that is different... how...?" he asks slowly, looking over Bashasa's face for clues. It's clearly bothered him, and there's a little pang of fear in Kai while he waits for what it means.
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"A consort," he says with a tone that clearly says that, for a moment, he's hoping if he just repeats himself, Kai will magically understand. When he obviously doesn't, he tries again, "That we're sleeping together," no wait, that's not helpful either, they often are sleeping together. Innocently. In separate bedrolls right near one another because Kai is his bodyguard and his confidant and friend not because... "They think the relationship is sexual," maybe if he keeps it clinical this will be easier, except his mouth and his brain seem somewhat disconnected, "Based on the context clues, I think they believe I've trapped you somehow, like at--" no, he really doesn't want to draw that comparison, now that he thinks about it, so it's an even more awkward pivot, "-- that I'm using you. For sex. Among other things."
Why is Kai standing so close? He has been trying very hard for a while now as they have travelled to not think about any of this, but it's exponentially more difficult with Kai easily in reach, almost half backing him up against his travel desk, though Kai probably doesn't even see it that way and that's the problem isn't it?
He recognizes when his thoughts are chasing themselves and makes an effort to calm them. He's not used to being this flustered and he needs his wits about him right now possibly more than he has in a long time.
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Still, he forces himself to wait, and the look on the other man's face does a bit to ease his nerves- blushing is not really a response that makes sense, but it's also not horror- until Bashasa's explanation finally clicks into his head.
"Oh." It's perhaps a bit more of a subdued reaction than one would expect, Kai's brow furrowing as it takes it in. Sex with demons is not some horrible thing that the Hierarchs and the Arik seem to think it is, it was a foundation in Saredi culture for getting demon blood into their family lines, but then the fact that he is the demon in question properly sinks in. "Oh."
Kai flushes now too, eyes suddenly darting to be literally anywhere else. He's thought about it. Of course he has, he's neither blind nor stupid and he's pretty sure he loved Bashasa within a week of meeting him, but Bashasa is also just that kind of person. Everyone loves him. Kai is nothing special in that regard. "Anyone who knows you knows you wouldn't," he says, which-- he means they know Bashasa wouldn't use someone like that. That might not be what Bashasa hears.
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It feels... quite different, now that he's in a handsome, adult body, now that he's saved Bashasa's life multiple times over, sometimes by quite literally getting between him and danger. There's something relentless about it instead of precocious and he finds it almost stunningly attractive-- no one pushes quite like that in diplomacy. It leaves you too open to attack. And yet, with that relentless nature, it also makes him feel cornered, trapped. With anyone else, he would send them away for that, at best, but with Kai...
"Use someone like that? Use you like that?" he clarifies a moment later, "No, of course not. I'd be no better than the Hierarchs and I've no stomach for it besides." He doesn't know why he continues after that. He should put the matter behind them and the faster the better, but he can read something in Kai's posture, knows that he's unsettled Kai in some way that has less to do with the thought of sleeping with him and more to do with his reaction, and he doesn't want Kai to think that he's somehow disgusted with the idea, when it's the complete opposite.
So he reaches out and brushes just the tips of his fingers through the blooksoaked edges of the shirt,
"I suppose I can see why they think so, though. This sort of devotion is usually more compelled than earned."
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His breath catches a little as Bashasa reaches down to touch the shirt, the flush refusing to disappear and his eyes, if anything, even more avoidant that before. “Usually,” he might agree, “but not for you.” There is so much more Bashasa could ask of him than his, and he would do it all willingly.
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Isn't it?
His fingers brush healing skin for a moment anyway, because he was so close at this point it was inevitable, but as much as he wants to press his hand fully against the not-wound, he doesn't, withdraws his hand instead. What he wants is to look Kai right in the eyes and ask what else he might do for him, if he asked. But he doesn't really even know how demons in general feel about things like that, much less this demon in particular and he wouldn't want him to do it out of loyalty alone anyway.
And yet...
He makes himself turn away, get to the business of shuffling the correspondence into a neater pile to be given to the codebreakers, while his mouth keeps running away,
"Besides, if they think it's an insult, to imply that I would share my bed with you, they clearly haven't seen you, much less met you," obviously. How could they have? Why did he say that? He's got more manners than this, far more diplomacy, and he's starting to have to face the fact in real time that maybe he's unconsciously negotiating for what he wants even now.
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"It was normal, in the Saredi," he manages, staring down as his wound even though he's no longer being looked at, "To get demon blood into the line. I was supposed to have babies at some point. I-- hadn't, yet," he adds hurriedly, realizing Bashasa did not need to worry about him grieving the loss of children on top of everything else, "I don't know if the Hierarchs hated them because of that or hate the idea of demons because of them but it probably goes one of those ways."
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"Ah, but procreation is quite different from what they're accusing me of," us of, but he doesn't want to cause Kai to freak out about that. Bashasa doesn't care if even his friends thing he's got a hedonistic streak, much less his enemies, but he's not sure how Kai would feel about that accusation. "I think it's possible they might be more upset about the idea that people would have sex for pleasure than who's having the sex. Well, unless its them, I'm sure," he rolls his eyes.
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That should be a clear answer at least- having sex for pleasure isn’t hedonistic, it’s normal in Kai’s mind.
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"So the Saredi did have the concept of just having sex because you wanted to, then? Not all peoples do," that's safe, but the next question isn't, so he makes sure he's casually involved with some other business on his desk, pitches his tone as light as possible, "Did that extend to demons?"
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“They did,” he confirms, and he’s very grateful Bashasa isn’t looking at him still, “And of course we did. We were… part of them. The same family. No one… treated us differently.” His voice is quieter at the end, lost for a moment in the thought of them, all gone and with them the only family he’s really known.
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(He did get his answer, though, and he knows it, but this is not the price he would have wanted to pay for it all the same.)
He's in motion before he can really think about it, unafraid of being impulsive when it's his friends involved and not the leaders and factions he has to balance. He catches Kai's arm lightly with one hand, no force behind it to hold or pull and his cheek with the other. The motion isn't sudden, is telegraphed so Kai can pull away if he wishes and to not startle, but there's no hesitation to it either.
"Kai... I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." oh, they're close, this was a tactical error on his part, but now all he can do is forge ahead, "I can't... fix that," he admits, "but if it takes the rest of my days, I'll do everything in my power to build someplace where that can be true again." He can't promise to do it, and they both know it, but he can promise to try, and not just to try, but to do everything.
Everyone deserves to have a home, a place to live in relative safety. Kai deserves... more than that. But he's not thinking about that while they're this close, remember?
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"Thank you," he says softly. He's not sure it'll ever happen, that some place like that will ever exist again. The Arik are too different a peoples, and he has no idea where all the other demons went or what they'll do, and it wouldn't be the same anyway. But he appreciates it all the same, if only because he believes Bashasa when he says it.
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"Do you need some time with that, or can go back to flirting with you?" it's kind of flippant, maybe, particularly with the small smile he says it with, but it's also said so gently that it's obvious if Kai said he needed another moment, he would give him as long as he needed.
He is very aware he's just admitted what he's doing. He's just hoping it's done light and sweet to pass it off if Kai reacts badly to it.
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"Well, if you're sure," it's still a bit teasing, but he's also not going anywhere-- though if Kai pulls away he'll use no strength to keep him there, "I was going to ask you if you ever had. Had sex for pleasure, I mean."
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The question at hand is enough to make him flush again, and wonder why Bashasa is continuing on this conversation train. "I, um-- no. I wasn't supposed to do anything that could result in a baby for a few years while I adjusted, and then the war happened, and, well." He waves a hand. That should more or less explain itself.
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But he's also not getting "no", either, no signs that Kai is trying to escape or doesn't want to continue the conversation. So he thinks, maybe he dares a little further. He trusts himself to smooth it over if he goes too far, doesn't really think he's in danger of losing Kai, or he would never take the risk.
So he lets his eyes drop to Kai's mouth for a moment, a slow drag back up to his eyes, while he asks,
"And now? Would you want to?" there's still the barest hint of deniability, if he needs it, if Kai freaks out, but it's miniscule, and if he somehow still doesn't understand what he's really asking, he's already prepared in the next moment to be much more bold with it.
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Kai stares at him, and there's probably a moment where Bashasa wonders if he has in fact pushed too far before his body seems to catch up and there is a riot of a blush on his face.
There is a lot going on inside his head. There is a part of him that thinks Bashasa couldn't possibly be serious, because why of all the people who would very willingly sleep with him would he pick Kai, but he thinks back on this conversation and realizes that it's been building to this and also Bashasa would not make that kind of joke, wouldn't lead him on even if he hadn't been aware of Kai's feelings about him. It's-- astounding, and feels impossible, but now that he's looking for it he can see the way the other man is looking at him and he can feel the hand still on his cheek and the gentle warmth of his skin.
If there was any doubt that demons are just people, regardless of what else they can do, this would be a solid disproof of that concept for most people as well. Kai tries to talk, but it comes out as a little (extremely embarassing) squeak, before he swallows and licks his lips and tries again.
"Yes," he says softly, with a little nod, "I would."
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"Good, because it was going to be exceedingly hard to keep not kissing you," he's not completely sure that makes sense, but then he is kissing Kai, so he doesn't really care if it did or not.
He has not let himself think about this, not properly, not outside of a few dreams that have faded as he woke, so he has no idea what he was picturing or if this matches it or not. What he does know is that that the moment it starts, soft, a bit chaste but warm, he's ravenous for it, has to actively try to hold himself back in a way he's not used to needing to do, not from just a bit of flirting and a kiss.
He tries to go slow, tries to keep his wits about him, tries to remember that this is likely Kai's first everything and while that is... not helping the hunger any, frankly, it's also a duty and a privilege-- to make sure this is good for him. The effort makes him groan softly into the kiss, a longing noise, barely loud enough to carry to Kai's ears.
(There is perhaps also a drive to completely ruin him for anyone else, at least for a long time. Bashasa is not a man without a bit of selfishness, in the end. He would let Kai go and wish him well with a future relationship if this turns out to be something less meaningful, but he doesn't want to. He wants him to be his, for as long as he's allowed to have him.)
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